Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I enjoy the company of your penis
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
