I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
