If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
