You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize