Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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