they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
