life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
