Kareoke will never be a sober sport
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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