Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
