i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
