I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
