why do cheetos always look like penises
either way he was missing a nipple.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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