Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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