I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
