He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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