yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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