After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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