he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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