You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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