you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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