After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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