My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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