do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
