One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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