There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
