well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
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because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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