u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
