omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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