Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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