I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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