when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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