is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
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Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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