Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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