Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
