I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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