Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
