It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
