I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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