by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
