Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
