I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
