Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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