I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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