hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Life is so much better after having sex.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
