remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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