I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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