I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
