It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
