The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
