dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
