You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
