I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
