She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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