I wish my penis had an off switch
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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