How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
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Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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