Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Honestly, you canβt tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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