What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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